Unpacking the Differences Between Out of Control Sexual Behavior, and Sex Addiction.
If the varying terms related to difficulties with sexual behavior have you stumped, you are definitely not alone. A simple internet search can yield all kinds of definitions, explanations, and assessments that either directly or indirectly contradict each other. Trying to weed through the mess of psycho-babble and professional opinions to find which one fits your experience can be really discouraging – especially when stigmatizations and stereotypes are already working overtime to keep you silent and stuck.
While identifying and classifying one’s sexual behavior can be a harrowing and tedious process, it can also be empowering as you identify the type of support you need. Societal, cultural, religious, and familial conditioning are some of the factors which can impact our sexual identities and habits. The presence of untreated trauma and mental illness oftentimes subconsciously informs which lenses are present as we regard ourselves and the treatment we think we deserve. Although messages of shame and guilt persist, so does an entire, more founded response that is based in compassion, care, and solution.
In this blog, I will map out the difference between Sex addiction and Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB) in the hopes that clarity of one’s own urges and behaviors and/or empathy for those suffering with obsessive, compulsive, or impulsive sexual conduct will result. At the end of this blog, I will also list a series of questions for those who are beginning to explore the impact of their behaviors.
What is Out of Control Sexual Behavior?
Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB) is regarded as a sexual problem rather than a disorder, illness, or DSM-5 diagnosis. OCSB is defined by consensual, sexual urges, thoughts, and behaviors which feel out of control. Therefore, OCSB can present in a diversity of ways on a wide and fairly subjective spectrum. More often than not, OCSB is a symptom of a greater difficulty or wound that exists beneath the surface, meaning treatment takes the form of processing and healing these root causes rather than correcting the resulting maladaptive behaviors. Because of OCSB’s broad definition, the likelihood it can be applied without the concern of misdiagnosis (and thus, a misguided treatment plan) is high.
What is Sex Addiction?
Sex addiction is often used as a ‘one-size-fits-all’ label for anyone who is struggling with the regulation of their sexual urges, thoughts and behaviors. But what is sex addiction beyond the stereotype? The honest answer is: there is no single, concrete answer. The definition of sex addiction is largely dependent upon the experience and opinions of whom you ask. The diagnosis most professionals would attribute to “sex addiction: is Hypersexual Disorder, which was removed from the DSM prior to publishing of the 5th edition in 2013, which means that out of control sexual behavior of any kind doesn’t have its own diagnostic category today. Discussions surrounding sex addiction as diagnosable tend to be controversial – namely because of the widely held belief that the sex addiction label is reductive and inaccurate to the greater scope of an individual’s emotional and psychological world. Check out The Harvey Institute for a comprehensive collection of articles, interviews, and books working to unpack the complexities surrounding sexual health.
Putting it All Together
Because sex addiction is oftentimes used as an umbrella statement for any seemingly problematic sexual behavior, validating yourself or your loved one in the individual experience (and if it is perhaps indicative of past trauma or hardship) is valuable. Sex addiction can feel like an overwhelming classification, and usually has a treatment method of complete abstinence, which can oftentimes be more harmful than helpful.
Being curious about the morals and judgments you personally adhere to, as well as the morals and judgements of those providing you with feedback or advice, is crucial in this recovery process. Disapproval of sexual urges and impulses based on religious or institutional ideologies does not confirm the presence of Sex Addiction or OCSB, just as differences in personal biology and preference (libido etc.,) do not confirm the presence of compulsive sexual behavior.
Questions to Ask Yourself When Assessing Your Sexual Behavior and to Determine if Professional Help is Warranted:
- Have I been neglecting my health or personal care as a result of my sexual behavior?
- Am I avoiding my responsibilities and commitments as a result of my sexual behavior?
- Have I tried stopping or reducing the sexual behaviors I feel are destructive or problematic? Was I successful in that?
- Is my sexual behavior affecting other areas of my life (i.e. my important relationships, my occupation/career, my education, my financial stability)?
- Has my sexual behavior compromised my safety?
- Has there been an increase in the impulsivity and/or recklessness of my sexual behavior?
- Do I feel detached from the people or activities that usually bring me joy?
- Have I been isolating (either intentionally or unintentionally) in order to partake in sexual behaviors?
- Do I feel the need to hide the truth regarding my sexual behaviors?
- Do I have obsessive thoughts and fantasies surrounding sex that I can’t move past?
- Do I feel empty, remorseful, or shameful after engaging in a sexual activity?
- Have I been using sexual thoughts and sexual activity to escape negative emotions?
- Do I struggle to establish emotional intimacy in my relationships?